“Saying the Name is in itself mindfulness; mindfulness is the nembutsu; the nembutsu is Namu-amida-butsu.”

—Shinran-shōnin (1173-1263), Passages on the Pure Land Way
Collected Works of Shinran, Vol. 1, p. 296

“Be true to yourself” is a fashionable expression of the philosophy of not worrying about pleasing other people, living up to someone else’s standards, but rather living as your natural self without compromise. 

Sounds reasonable until I ask myself, so how has “living as your natural self, without compromise” worked out? You know, the attitude, “I am what I am and damn the consequences!”

“It’s about ME!”

The American Dream: if you are able to truly live your life as an absolutely self-centered, ruthless, egotistical narcissist, then you will become insanely rich, powerful, and famous, a celebrated human being! 

Buddhism teaches, however, born human, our mind and body inevitably decay, we get sick, we die—and wealth, power, or celebrity won’t make any difference.

In the real world, most people are not able to “be true to yourself” because we quickly discover other people don’t like that person very much!

But if you are really lucky, you will discover you don’t like that person very much. 

Thus, we constantly search for a path to “become a better me.”

In Amida’s Light of Wisdom, I am forced to wake up to the reality-as-it-is, the Truth-as-it-is that I have lived my entire life as a self-centered, self-delusive, egotistical bully who takes advantage of anybody, anything, any opportunity for self-profit and self-aggrandizement, because I’m ME!

OH MY BUDDHA! I’m a jerk!

Thus, to be true to my “self” means I create my own circle of hell, where I keep convincing myself that I’m smarter than everyone else, that I deserve only the good stuff in life, and everybody loves me just as I am—reality-as-my-ego-wants-it-to-be!

And that is precisely why I have been brought to see myself, “my natural self, without compromise” in the Light of Wisdom, the light that reveals reality-as-it-is, the Light that is Amida Buddha’s Great Love reaching out to us, imploring us, “take refuge in the Light of Wisdom!”

In reflection, I have spent my adult life trying to convince myself I’m not a jerk; or I know I’m a jerk but I’m working on it; or I’m not a jerk, you’re a jerk for not accepting me the way I am!

When you are brought to see yourself, your “natural self,” your self-centered self in action, it’s humiliating, embarrassing, and painful. But in this self-discovery, the absolute Truth is revealed. 

The object of Amida’s Vow is ME, just as I am—“utterly human”—an ordinary person with flaws and weaknesses, self-centered and egotistical, a bully when I calculate I can get away with it.

Shinran-shōnin wrote that the experience of the Faith of Shinjin happens in and of itself, naturally, without any calculation or effort by the individual (jinen hōni).

My Ego would like to think that the experience of being forced to wake up to reality-as-it-is—“I’m a jerk”—would have a happy ending with my becoming a “better me,” the “new and improved” ME who is a nice guy, kind and gentle, and a bodhisattva-like minister who devotes this life in the service of others.

Isn’t that why people become Buddhists, to become a better, new and improved version of themselves?

This is a very American-style transactional view of “religion” that asks, “If I say Namo Amida Butsu, what’s in it for ME?”

The answer, of course, is always NamoAmidaButsu! When you are brought to hear the Calling Voice of Amida, you are brought to say Namo Amida Butsu, you live a Life of Gratitude, just as you are.

When you say NamoAmidaButsu, you will discover NamoAmidaButsu is already inside of you.

You will discover that Amida’s Vow to Save All People is for you precisely because you are who you are, just as you are.

Amida always speaks to me in a California Surfer voice, “dude, you’re a jerk! That’s why I got your back! NamoAmidaButsu!”

When you are brought to have no doubt you are a jerk, you will have no doubt that Amida’s Kindness and Understanding Beyond Words is now and has always been working in each moment of every day of your unrepeatable life, as it unfolds naturally, just as it is. NamoAmidaButsu!

The Life of Gratitude arises from the Faith of Shinjin, being brought naturally to awaken to one’s own self-centered nature and—simultaneously—to truly realize Amida’s Vow to Save All is the Vow to save ME, just as I am, a jerk! 

“Be true to yourself”—Be NamoAmidaButsu!